Arizona hospitals are drowning in turning away patients who need cactus spines plucked from naked donkeys

Phoenix, Arizona – With soaring cases of the virus draining the state’s health care resources, overwhelmed Arizona hospitals were reportedly forced Tuesday to turn away patients who needed cactus thorns plucked from their bare butts. “Unfortunately, Our waiting room has already outstripped the limited number of chairs available for patients to lean face down with their thin bottoms in hand, and we simply can’t stand any more,” Hospitals in the area have reported throngs of patients who shot themselves five feet in the air in pain as they groaned. They accidentally squeeze the sharp needle sticking out from behind them.” As the coronavirus continues to devastate our community, we must unfortunately even turn away those with serious but not life-threatening medical problems like patients who recently sat in a campfire before they noticed there was something Confirming it smells delicious then we run screaming as they try to put out the flames by 10Gallon hat, just to make it worseWe’re getting close to triage here where people die every day.” Styles added that some patients had resorted to traveling as far as Tennessee to locate a bourbon bottle and a Zippo lighter for their wounds.

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