Things Not to Say at Thanksgiving Dinner


Besides food, there’s nothing Americans love more than sitting around and tossing about their most interesting views. Here are several things you should never say at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

“Grandma is overrated.”

“Grandma is overrated.”

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This is just one of those things that everyone thinks but no one says.

“That turkey was my darling.”

“That turkey was my darling.”

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Thanksgiving is a time to focus on what we are grateful for, not what we’ve lost.

“It’s time to bring every soldier in Vietnam home.”

“It’s time to bring every soldier in Vietnam home.”

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Avoid politically charged topics, even if they were completely resolved 50 years ago.

“I have to leave early to see my other, better family.”

“I have to leave early to see my other, better family.”

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Excuse me.

“I am so grateful that we are all gathered here at the home of the richest members of our family.”

“I am so grateful that we are all gathered here at the home of the richest members of our family.”

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Everyone thinks about it.

“I’m gay.”

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I went out last year, idiot, that’s not news anymore.

“Policy!”

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As many who have been resolved through family arguments can attest, it is best to steer clear of saying “politics!” On the table.

“Cark the Breaker is approaching. The time for the long suffering has come.”

“Cark the Breaker is approaching. The time for the long suffering has come.”

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Bob Bob is 97 years old. Do not bother him with the great account.

“Anyone who shakes me from under the table should know I’m almost done.”

“Anyone who shakes me from under the table should know I’m almost done.”

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Hush! If it’s under the table, it’s supposed to be secret!

“This pie was meant to be for everyone…”

“This pie was meant to be for everyone…”

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Thanksgiving is an unusual day of overeating, so it’s no time to comment on other people’s portion sizes.

“I am grateful to the family.”

“I am grateful to the family.”

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close it; Everyone knows you’re just trying to make your way toward your grandmother’s will.

“The Indian Child Welfare Act is being unfairly challenged in federal courts by right-wing interest groups.”

“The Indian Child Welfare Act is being unfairly challenged in federal courts by right-wing interest groups.”

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Just let them trace the turkeys with their hands on construction paper without making them look at the big picture and you’ll be home in NYC before you know it.

“Can you pass the padding, please?”

“Can you pass the padding, please?”

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To survive in this world, do not ask, but take. Show weakness to your family and friends, and they will rip your throat.

“The fans of this country can play the role of liberator as they like, but when it comes to this, we Muscovites will pay for their lofty European sentiments.”

“The fans of this country can play the role of liberator as they like, but when it comes to this, we Muscovites will pay for their lofty European sentiments.”

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Not this discussion again.

“Every person has the right to express his opinion.”

“Every person has the right to express his opinion.”

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This kind of mealybug Oral nonsense will surely be torn to shreds.

“Can everyone eat a little faster? I want to stomp at Walmart.”

“Can everyone eat a little faster? I want to stomp at Walmart.”

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It’s rude to rush people to eat and you need to be patient because everyone is equally excited to stomp at Walmart.

“We gather here in Plymouth to celebrate this bountiful harvest and our friendship with the Wampanoag people.”

“We gather here in Plymouth to celebrate this bountiful harvest and our friendship with the Wampanoag people.”

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He might be going well right now, but he’s really going to age terribly.

“This food would have made the pilgrims vomit.”

“This food would have made the pilgrims vomit.”

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It’s true that many on the Thanksgiving menu today aren’t historically accurate and might cause them to vomit everywhere on the table, but not everyone wants a history lesson.

“Garlic mashed potatoes: 237 calories per serving (recommended serving size 1 cup). 2,000 calories per day is used for general nutrition advice, but individual calorie needs vary.”

“Garlic mashed potatoes: 237 calories per serving (recommended serving size 1 cup). 2,000 calories per day is used for general nutrition advice, but individual calorie needs vary.”

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Thanksgiving is meant to be a day to enjoy and celebrate, and no one wants to feel bad about how much they eat.

What is the score for the Detroit Lions game?

What is the score for the Detroit Lions game?

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You’re wasting your breath, always assume they’re losing.



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